Sunday, May 13, 2007

Must Narcissim Prevail?

What's the best way to deal with a narcissist?

I had an internship this year that involved working with two other students from my master's program. One ("Jane") was a great role-model, as a clinician, as a mother, and as a person. The other ("George"), missed more meetings than he attended, took credit for work he didn't do, and made comments that were both sexist and racist.

It made for some interesting times.

On Thursday evening, after hearing George boast about how much he had learned from doing a project that Jane and I had done without his help and how he doesn't "work well in groups and could have accomplished so much more on [his] own," I had endured enough. I wrote George an E-mail, telling him that I found his behavior to be despicable and that it was wrong for him to be so unmeritly pompous. I also told him that I hoped he would find time in life to reflect on the kind of teammate and academic that he wished to become and I wished him well in his future endeavors.

He forwarded the E-mail to our three supervisors and to Jane, along with a reply of his own. He spoke about how he had "real" experience in the world and that I was just too young and "stupid" to understand his greatness and the irreplaceable and unmatchable wisdom he brought to our group. He called my writing, "less analytic than it is entertaining" and proceeded to instruct the others to grab "a popcorn and pop" as they read my rebuke of him. "Trust me," he said, "you'll need it."

While I am not suprised that George decided to take the route that he did, criticizing the merits of my words without addressing his own behaviors or refutting the claims that I made, I am left wondering how you work with someone who clearly has narcisstic features. Surely, it's not a lost cause, is it?

And, if it unfortunately is, how do you brush aside the pain that the words of such a person can cause? Because let me tell you, I've been hurting all weekend.

Despite the pain his E-mail caused me, I was able to formulate a reply to him. It follows in its entirety here:

"I'd ask you to bring the popcorn, but you don't work well in groups."
Shallow, I know, but I couldn't resist.

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